Bully for you. Are you aggressive or simply ‘robust’ in the workplace? Here are 3 key points about the so-called ‘bullying threshold’

The recent resignation of Dominic Raab has focused attention on what constitutes workplace bullying.

Examples of bullying behaviour usually include undermining someone, spreading lies, and unfair treatment. 

But it’s a grey area. Part of the problem is there’s no specific legal definition of bullying.

It’s only when such behaviour is related to protected characteristics such as age, race, sex, religion, disability, or sexual orientation that it is legally classed as harassment.

And that makes bullying a rather subjective issue.

Dominic Raab in his resignation speech referred to giving “direct critical feedback”. 

His staff however said he was ‘intimidating’ and there were instances when his actions were “unreasonably and persistently aggressive”. 

Predictably there’s been wide debate in the media, from whole-hearted condemnation to mutterings of ‘snowflake’ behaviour. Dominic Raab himself pointed a finger at a minority of “very activist civil servants with a passive aggressive culture”. He didn’t go quietly.

Regardless of where you personally stand on “setting a threshold for bullying” it’s important to think about the following:

Your behaviour – When is it Passive, Assertive or Aggressive?

In different situations, with different people and in different circumstances, your behaviour will fall into one of three categories Passive, Assertive or Aggressive.

Can’t say no to a completely unreasonable deadline set by your manager?  That’s passive behaviour. 

A heavily sarcastic response to a colleague you don’t rate in the Compliance Department? That’s aggressive behaviour (and no you don’t need to be shouty to be aggressive).

Whenever possible, with whomever, and in whatever circumstances, the best and most effective type of behaviour is to be Assertive. This means you stand your ground, calmly reasonably and firmly. It does not mean you are a pushover; it means that you don’t intimidate the other person but you’re asserting yourself and your position. And (of course) it’s sometimes difficult not to tip into being aggressive, but if you can be self-aware then you can also hold that line.

The challenge though is this. How do you know when the other person is feeling small, uncomfortable, or intimidated by your behaviour? You may think you’d feel differently if you were at the receiving end – and perhaps you would. However, I think we instinctively know when we’ve made someone feel bad. And if you have any doubts, play it safe and rein in your behaviour.

There is however a distinction to be made here, which is important.

In Dame Sue Owen’s recommendations in her report on “bullying, harassment and misconduct” in the civil service, she distinguishes between “…‘abusive’ behaviours, ie ones that are intended and specifically targeted, and ‘abrasive’ behaviours, ie personal styles, which nevertheless feel like bullying to the individual. Abrasive behaviours are not intended to be bullying and therefore the perpetrator may be unaware of the impact”.

However, both abusive and abrasive behaviours come under her definition of “bullying”.

Giving feedback

The investigation into Dominic Raab’s behaviour found that Raab branded civil servants’ work “utterly useless” and “woeful”. His choice of adjectives (admittedly out of context) don’t suggest he was a master at giving well thought out, constructive and encouraging feedback.

Good feedback needs to be specific and strategic. It needs to focus on the work or the tangible behaviour and not the individual themselves. This is not a character assassination based on your own perceptions of the person.

In fairness, the suggestion is that Raab called the work of the civil servants “utterly useless” and “woeful”; we don’t know if he said the same about them as a person.

Bullying work culture

If you’re a leader or a manager, you’re directly responsible for the culture of your organisation or your team. Don’t leave it to chance. Decide what sort of values you want to stand for and call out bad behaviour (bullying, gossip, lack of accountability or whatever). Encourage other people to do that as well.

Finally, don’t forget that as a leader in an organisation, to some people you’re already a bit intimidating. I sometimes work with senior executives who are genuinely perplexed as to why people are wary of them when ‘my office door is always open’. It’s because you’re the boss – with everything that goes along with that.

The talk in the media about ‘bullying thresholds’ bothers me. Bullying is not acceptable, and a bullying culture won’t make for a highly successful business. If you can lead with fairness, consistency, respect and compassion then people will cross mountains for you.

If you’d like to discuss any of the issues raised, call us on 07770 221166 or email ab@leaderslab.co.uk.