I was talking recently to a newly promoted manager in a business of about 20 people – a typical SME in many ways. She’s been with the company for years, knows the MD well, and had just stepped up from the shop floor into her first leadership role.
We got chatting about the company’s direction, and I asked what she thought lay ahead in the next year or two.
She paused, then said: “Oh, I don’t know – that’s their job.”
By they, she meant the directors.
That small comment stuck with me. Because even in a tight-knit team, it doesn’t take much for ‘us and them’ thinking to creep in – even when you are part of the leadership team.
So – do you have a ‘them’?
If you’ve heard phrases like:
- “Nobody tells me anything.”
- “They keep moving the goalposts.”
- “That’s not our decision to make.”
…chances are, your business has developed some version of ‘us and them’ thinking – even if you’ve worked hard to build a positive, open culture.
It can happen between ‘staff’ and ‘management’, between departments, or even between long-standing colleagues. And it can start small – a casual comment, a decision made without involving the team, a clash of priorities – but left unchecked, it creates friction, mistrust, and a lot of second-guessing.
Even in a team of 20, it’s easy for Sales to start blaming Ops, for Marketing to feel unheard, for the team to see ‘the directors’ as a separate species. People who all sit in the same room can suddenly start acting like strangers.
Who’s really on your side?
It’s worth stopping and asking: who shares your commitment to the business?
Chances are, your answer includes your team, your colleagues, your suppliers – maybe even your customers. You might not always agree with them, but you’re mostly trying to get to the same place. And that means you’re probably not enemies.
Silo thinking makes it feel like other people are getting in your way – when in reality, they’re probably trying to do their job as best they can, under the pressures and expectations they understand.
The real question is: have we actually understood each other’s worlds?
What motivates ‘them’?
No one turns up to work to do a bad job. Nobody wants to miss targets, disappoint colleagues, or throw a spanner in the works.
So when someone’s actions are frustrating you, it’s not because they’re lazy, difficult or out to make your life harder. More often, it’s a sign that you’re not aligned – on goals, expectations, constraints or assumptions.
And if that misalignment is causing real tension, it’s not their responsibility to fix. It’s yours.
Because as a business owner or leader, it’s your job to set the tone, ask the questions, and create the conditions for people to work together effectively – not perfectly, but constructively and with mutual respect.
So how do you turn ‘them’ back into ‘us’?
This isn’t about team outings and social events. It’s about leadership, plain and simple. Here’s how to start:
- Go first. Own your role in the dynamic. Drop the defensiveness and be honest about what’s been happening.
- Have the conversation. Face to face, one to one. Choose curiosity over blame.
- Really listen. Ask about their view of the situation – and don’t jump in to justify your own.
- Acknowledge effort. Most people are genuinely trying hard. Say you know that, and acknowledge them for it.
- Swap perspectives. Share the impact of their decisions or behaviours – and invite them to do the same.
- Co-create a fix. Not a compromise, but a shared solution that works for both sides.
- Keep going. This won’t be a one-time exercise. Commit to staying in the conversation.
None of this is rocket science – but it’s not quick-fix territory either. If you’ve got months (or years) of unexamined assumptions and disappointments, it’ll take a little time and trust to unpick.
But when you do, you’ll stop wasting time on politics and start building the company together.
Final thought
Building a business where people really work with each other – not just around each other – is one of the most powerful things you can do as a leader.
It doesn’t require big culture change programmes or away days. It starts with you, getting curious instead of cross, and helping your team step out of their silos and into real partnership.
In a truly thriving SME, there’s no ‘us’ and ‘them’. There’s just us. All working towards the same goal. And all the better for it.