If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time – a tremendous whack.
Winston Churchill
A very straightforward and simple skill this one, yet one that many people, especially in certain cultures and countries, seem to have missed learning or actively avoid: the skill of making a simple, direct request, and giving, in return, a simple unequivocal response.
What does a request sound like?
Person A says something like, “Please do X (task) by Y (date)”
Easy, you may think. What could go wrong with that? Well in the UK, where I live and work, we are often brought up to think it rude to make direct requests, so we spend a lot of time fudging and padding: “Do you think you could just…”, “Would you mind awfully…”, “Shall we try to…” etc.. Or we drop hints: “It would be great if somebody would…”, or get sarcastic: “Is anybody ever going to…? Eventually we may even crack and have a tantrum: “I’ve had it. Doesn’t anybody ever do anything around here?”
Some cultures of course would just laugh at this. Most Dutch people, or Germans, or US citizens, have very little trouble making straight requests, and think we in the UK are ridiculously woolly about such things. But even they have trouble with the responses…
What does a straight response sound like?
There are only three clear direct responses to a straight request:
- Person B may make a promise: “Yes” – full accountability. They’ll get it done whatever the circumstances, and if they fail, they’ll take the consequences on the chin.
- They may decline the request: “No” – they honestly don’t see themselves doing it, and are willing to take the consequences of saying “no” to you.
- Or they may make a counter-offer: “I won’t do X by Y, but I will do it by Z”. They think carefully about whether they can do it and under what circumstances and make a proposal to you.
If you first discipline yourself to make clear, direct requests and responses like this, and then train everyone around you to do likewise, it will make a bigger difference to your business than you could ever imagine.
Some hints:
- You don’t just need to make well-formed requests, but also to manage the responses, especially at first. Many people will be vague and not make a clear promise, decline or counteroffer, and even if they apparently do, they may forget or let it slide.
- You will want to resist managing their response too – why should you do their job for them? Well, because you are a leader, training others in a new, more effective working skill. They won’t get it right straight away and will need coaching and hands-on management for a while.
- There is a danger for everyone at first of over-promising – train yourself and others around you to check their diaries and make realistic promises, rather than just always saying “yes”.
- If you say “no”, someone might not like it. You have to be willing to take the consequences of this (fear of this is one reason we fudge).
- As a leader, be prepared to accept a “no” sometimes, too – your response to this is critical in training others to give honest responses.
- Learning to make good counter-offers is the key: “I can’t talk now, but come back at 3pm and I’ll be able to give you my full attention”, “It’s missed the post today, but I’ll send it special delivery tomorrow” or “I can’t fit this in to my current workload, but if it’s more important than X task, I could prioritise it. Which would you prefer me to complete first?
Be more Churchill…
Be more Churchill…Have a listen to yourself. If you find yourself complaining that people don’t do what you ask them to do. It could possibly be that you are not actually asking them clearly in the first place!