We’ve all been sold the idea that success leads to happiness. Build a thriving business, live a good life, and happiness will follow.
But what if that’s not quite how it works?
What if chasing happiness, in life and in business, is part of the problem?
Author Oliver Burkeman makes a strong case for this in his book The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking. His message: stop trying so hard to be happy.
Instead, lean into uncertainty, messiness and the full range of emotions that come with being human – and a business owner.
I’ve found that many of the leaders I work with are exhausted not by the actual challenges of running a business, but by the pressure to feel a certain way about it: to be upbeat, positive, inspiring, in control.
Sometimes the healthiest and most productive thing you can do is drop the pressure, accept the discomfort, and focus on what matters most.
Here are four practical ways that these ideas show up in real business life – and how you might use them to build something more sustainable and meaningful:
1. Stop battling your negative thoughts
You’ve probably had the internal voice that says: You should feel more confident by now. You should be enjoying this. You should be more positive.
But trying to override uncertainty with forced optimism is exhausting and counterproductive. Research shows that when we suppress negative thoughts, they often come back stronger. And if you’re constantly trying to talk yourself into feeling “okay,” you’re not actually tackling the issue.
In leadership, that often plays out as avoidance: avoiding difficult conversations, brushing over performance problems, or telling ourselves that “it’ll be fine” when deep down we know it won’t.
What if instead you simply acknowledged your doubts or fears, and kept going anyway?
2. Beware of obsession with goals
Goal-setting is second nature to most business owners. But there’s a point where it stops being helpful.
When everything becomes about hitting the target – revenue milestones, growth metrics, exit valuations – we lose sight of why we’re doing it in the first place. Or worse, we achieve the goal only to find it hasn’t solved the deeper problem.
Instead of obsessing over outcomes, try focusing on the process – the bit you can actually control. So instead of saying “We must hit £5m turnover this year,” shift the lens: “What are the practices and behaviours we need to focus on day-to-day to build the kind of business we’re proud to run?”
This is especially powerful for founder-owners who feel like they’re on a treadmill. Process goals give you more agency – and reduce the anxiety of chasing ever-higher outcomes.
3. Learn to live with insecurity
No matter how successful your business becomes, insecurity doesn’t go away. In fact, the stakes often get higher.
But unlike in parts of the world where insecurity is a fact of life, we in the West tend to see it as a problem to be solved. The result? A lot of leaders end up wasting energy trying to eliminate risk entirely, which is both impossible and paralysing.
A more useful mindset is to accept that a certain amount of instability and unpredictability is inevitable, especially in fast-growing businesses. Instead of waiting for the perfect conditions before making a move, start making better decisions with imperfect information. You act despite the fear.
4. Discomfort is not a sign you’re doing it wrong
This is a big one.
Most leaders mistake discomfort for a red flag – a reason to stop, rethink, or avoid. But discomfort is often a sign that you’re growing.
Burkeman even suggests deliberately doing something embarrassing in public (like asking a stranger for money) just to get used to the feeling of awkwardness. You don’t have to go that far – but there is real value in acknowledging your discomfort and then doing the thing anyway.
That could mean finally launching the new product, restructuring your leadership team, having that long-overdue performance conversation… or starting to hand over responsibility to others when you’re used to being the hub.
In my experience, the most effective leaders aren’t the ones who always feel comfortable. They’re the ones who act despite their discomfort – and grow stronger for it.
Final thoughts
It’s not that happiness doesn’t matter. It’s just that trying to pin it down often makes it more elusive.
If you want to feel more fulfilled in your leadership, stop trying to feel good all the time. Focus instead on doing meaningful work, having honest conversations, and creating the kind of organisation where everyone – including you – is allowed to be human.
That’s where the real satisfaction lies.